Ego vs. Pride? Beats me.

Someone recently asked me what the difference was, to me, between pride and ego. I profess to be a very proud person that lacks an extended ego…but after looking up the actual definitions of pride and ego - it appears they are actually not as different as I would have thought and, moreover, almost the opposite of what I profess.

Pride: a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
Ego: (1.) the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought. (2.) the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.

So, what is it that I claim then?

I think what I mean is that, in the end, life is pretty hollow - unless, for me, I have something larger than me that I am striving for. In this case, it would be some higher creative being or purpose. Huh? Yeah, I don’t know. All I know is that the only thing that really gives me pure and utter joy is the act of learning and creating something from nothing. Now, that doesn’t mean I claim to be original or unique - I know that, in the end, nothing is original. We all take inspiration from other sources, mill it around in our brains, and spew out something that, hopefully, has some representation of the original AND a bit of our own personality mixed in.

So, maybe this IS ego rather than pride. I am certainly proud of what I can imagine and produce - but it is for my own personal satisfaction. I AM working to be different from what my surrounding hold - from other people - so is this really ego at play?

Don’t get me wrong, I love compliments like the rest of us and strive to also make a living from my creativitiy…but THAT alone is not why I create. I create because it makes life not so hollow.

Friends come and go, family is not something you can choose or change…maybe that’s why creating is so important to me. In a world of things and people and emotions and situations I have NO control over - I DO have control of what I create. It is mine and mine alone.

Creating is life for me. It is the way I have found a way to differentiate myself from others (ego) in a way that I can find personal pride in - and in that differentiating and personal ego - it is also apparent that it is very lonely. But that is the rub - if it wasn’t - then it wouldn’t really be ego, would it?

Does this post make sense…probably not. But it has helped to write it down.