The Artistic Split Personality
Few profound things have happened in my life. Usually its all very anticlimactic - lessons learned from trial and error, pain or happiness coming and going over long periods of time…not much gives me the a-ha moment that we all crave. However, yesterday, an unexpected personally profound moment came up and kicked me right in the shin.
I struggle with self worth on a minute by minute basis (as my therapist and friends are well aware) and as a designer and artisan/designer/whatever this can be an issue. If I mean to continue doing things I love, I have to also continue to put a price on that work and earn a living at it. This is a struggle…not the money, the setting a worth on what it is that makes me who I am.
While doing some web work for an artist that I truly love - this conversation came up. He is sucessfull and well known and is someone I respect very much - so, though, what I’ll explain below may not seem like much - it blew ME away.
Commissions can be wonderful - if the vision is shared. They can also eat you alive if it’s not really your vision or style or even taste. I struggle with this as someone needing to make a living. After explaining to Alan (the artist) my fear and guilt and self worth behind doing commissioned work he said…
“Look at it like this Maggi. You, right now, have many different people (personas etc, call em what you will) living in your body at the same time. When you do commissioned work - or any work that is for SOMEONE else - remember that what is happening is one of those people inside of you is doing that specific work to help the others survive. Doing the work so that the others can continute doing what THEY need. You couldn’t be a creative, explorative, innovative person without them all cohabitating.”
Huh. I love it. I never looked at it that way…but now I will. And now maybe I can stop beating myself up over it and remember that the bean counter, worker bee in me is there for a reason - to help all of us in here to be happy.
Artists…wicked smaht.
