Intensity: The cilantro of life.

Cilantro is either beloved or hated. It’s true, I’ve met very few people who don’t either love it or loath it*. I think intensity in a person…is kinda like the cilantro of personality traits. It either creates a solid instantaneous friendship - or drives a wedge.

*(It’s actually a holdover from our less evolved days…and has to do with the brain keeping us from eating poisonous plants.)

I have never thought of myself as an intense person - or Dwight, for that matter. I don’t hold eye contact with others for an uncomfortable amount of time or invade personal space. I try not to talk over folks. I don’t think I make others uncomfortable - in fact, I make it a point to do the exact opposite during a conversation - to a self deprecating fault.

Those things above, to me, always signified intensity - never once had I considered the way I live my life or pursue my passions to exude “intensity”…however, it may. Even that, in itself, is not an issue really (frankly, I like the way I conduct my life). The issue for me is that I *might* make others wary of me, distrustful or uncomfortable with my friendship by being intense.

I don’t really waffle on things - neither of us do. The decision to DO is done in our heads - the rest is just logistical. I also care very little about failure as I know it’s all really just part of the process of learning. That’s not to say that I don’t fear mediocrity (I do, very much so) - but never failure. Failure isn’t even really failure, it’s just a step in the learning process.

I think a direct result of this intensity might be, I suck at surface-y conversations. Maybe that is what makes me/us unbearable to some - the lack of interest the weather or TV or mill rates or, sometimes even, current affairs. I just have SO much going on in my head that has been swirling around and around, gestating, so by the time I’m ready to talk about it…it’s a full blown IDEA or even something ready for action. Takes people off guard; maybe it makes them feel like I’m unstable in my decision making. I can only imagine the impressions many of my close friends (and family) have had when I say something totally out of the blue…and then the next week/month just do it.

I have no succinct end to this post. It’s just been a lot of thinking as of late…about what people think of me and if I care enough to make a change.

Can’t say that I will - for me cilantro is the most wonderful, fragrant, enchanting and addictive herb there is. It’s in my genetic makeup.