We’ve all heard the words: “Honor your father and mother.” For some, this command feels natural, even easy, especially those raised in loving, supportive families. But for others — those whose homes have been marked by manipulation, neglect, and/or abuse — these words can feel like chains around the heart.
What happens when “honor” and “love” are used as weapons to demand silence in the face of harm? What happens when the people who were supposed to protect you become the very source of danger?
Here is the highest and purest truth: true honor is not blind obedience, self-erasure, or enduring abuse in the name of family or love. True honor is alignment with Divine love — a love that never asks you to abandon your soul. It is compassion anchored in truth, boundaries rooted in peace, and self-respect that honors the God-breathed life within you.
To honor others without losing yourself means stepping out of cycles of fear and choosing the higher way: love that is unconditional, not controlling; honor that is truthful, not enabling; alignment that protects your soul, not sacrifices it. The Divine never commands people to stay in bondage or danger under the name of “honor” or “love.”
A Personal Reflection on Honor and Love
For me, “honor” was never simple. I tried for decades to do what I thought was right — to stay, to reach out, to talk, to give, to forgive, to keep showing up. I poured out love, compassion, patience, and understanding, believing that one day it might finally be enough to heal the rift.
But what I learned — painfully, slowly, and with much resistance — is that honor does not mean erasing yourself for someone else’s comfort. Honor is not letting others use you as their scapegoat, their outlet, or their possession. Honor isn't letting other people control and manipulate you, even if they claim they do it out of "love."
There came a point when I had to see the truth: love without listening isn’t love. Boundaries ignored aren’t boundaries at all. And when safety is stripped away, staying is not noble — it is self-betrayal. This all came to a head during eclipse season last month (September 2025).
Walking away was not easy. It felt like tearing apart something sacred. But in the stillness, I began to realize that by stepping away, I was not dishonoring anyone — I was finally honoring the Divine spark within me. Not only that, I was stepping up and protecting myself and my cat finally in a way that we had always needed but nobody else had ever done.
As I chose alignment with truth, I saw what “honor” really means: not blind loyalty, but holy clarity. Not enabling dysfunction, but embodying love with boundaries. Not vengeance or bitterness, but releasing others into God’s hands while I protect the sacred life He entrusted to me.
Do not let anyone try to gaslight you into staying in unsafe, hostile, aggressive, abusive situations, even if they're you're blood family. You don't deserve that, and it isn't love. If anyone ever tells you, "We're family — you just have to suck it up and deal with it!" know that is a lie and that you're under no obligation to put up with it.
What “Honor” Truly Means
In its highest light, “honor” means:
- Acknowledging their humanity without idolizing their dysfunction.
- Choosing not to curse them in your heart or wish destruction upon them, but releasing them into God’s hands.
- Living by this principle: “I will not repay evil with evil. I will set boundaries with firm love. I will pray for their healing, even if I cannot be near them.”
Honoring does not equal enabling. True honor is grounded in truth.
Where Safety and Boundaries Fit In
You cannot honor someone by erasing yourself to absorb their cruelty. That’s not honor — that’s self-betrayal.
By stepping back, refusing to engage in the cycle, and protecting your life (and the lives entrusted to you, like beloved pets or children), you are actually walking in truth. You are honoring God by refusing to empower harm.
Sometimes the holiest act of honor is simply saying: “No more.”
Family and Love
People may insist, “But they love you!” And in their own limited way, that may be true. Yet love without listening, without respect, without safe action, isn’t love that nourishes. It’s often performance, attachment, control, or fear.
You can acknowledge that they “think” they love you — while recognizing that the kind of love they’re offering is not safe for you to receive.
A Healthy Reframe
“Honor” might not look like Sunday dinners with your parents. It might look like:
- Speaking of them with compassion and truth (no sugarcoating, no slander).
- Refusing to let bitterness or vengeance take root in your heart.
- Trusting God/the Divine with their souls and releasing the burden of “fixing” them.
- Protecting yourself — which, in itself, honors the life God/Source/Creator entrusted to you.
The command to honor parents does not erase the command to love yourself, nor does it override the truth that you are the Universe’s beloved child. Sometimes the most honoring act is stepping away, refusing the cycle, and leaving them in the Divine’s hands.
Holding Both Realities
Yes, they could change if they chose to.
No, you are not obligated to wait in harm’s way until they do.
Outsiders may never fully understand — and that’s okay. Their advice often reflects their limited view, not your lived reality.
Honoring God’s command means keeping your heart free from hatred, not keeping your body in unsafe places.
A Boundary Blessing
I choose not to carry the weight of fixing what only You can heal.
I honor my parents (or whomever it is) by wishing them healing, but I honor myself by protecting the life and soul You entrusted to me.
Let my boundaries be an act of love — love for truth, love for peace, and love for the sacred child You created me to be.
I choose to walk in compassion without sacrificing my safety.
I leave behind guilt, and I walk in the freedom of Your highest and purest light."
Knowing Yourself & Staying True
Honoring parents (or others) — and yourself — starts with knowing who you are.
To stay in Divine alignment means not twisting yourself into someone else’s image of you.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish; it’s sacred. If you sacrifice your soul to please others, you aren’t truly honoring God’s creation within you.
True Love vs. Human “Love”
Divine love is unconditional, patient, kind, never manipulative or controlling. It seeks your growth and peace.
What many people call “love” in human society is often attachment, control, performance, or fear of loss. That’s not true love.
When you know the difference, you can release toxic patterns without guilt.
Alignment with the Divine
Living aligned means choosing compassion without sacrificing safety.
It means holding space for others’ healing while protecting your own.
You remain true to yourself and the Divine by choosing light, peace, and wholeness over cycles of harm.
Choosing the Higher Way
Honoring your parents — or anyone — does not mean denying reality, ignoring the truth of who they are right now, or tolerating harm. It means holding onto compassion while refusing to betray yourself. It means releasing the weight of fixing what only God/the Most High/the Divine can heal, and instead aligning yourself with the light of truth and the freedom of love.
The Divine command to honor does not erase the command to love yourself. Nor does it override the truth that you are Source’s beloved child. To honor well, you must first remain aligned with who you truly are.
True love listens. True love respects. True love protects. Anything less may be called “love,” but it does not nourish.
By choosing yourself, you honor the life entrusted to you. By setting boundaries, you honor truth over pretense. By walking away from cycles of harm, you honor the Divine light within you and refuse to empower darkness.
This is not dishonor — this is holy alignment. Sometimes the most honoring act is not drawing closer, but stepping back and placing others in God’s hands. That is where their healing lies. And that is where your freedom begins.
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Jessica Carey
